TheMainKatie

I hugged a woman tonight, not because I wanted to or like her, but because she wanted it and my son deserves to see amicable relations. That woman is his father's mother. His grandmother. My ex mother in law. 

Why is this so odd? Because I haven't had a conversation with this woman since Nathaniel was 8 months old and she hasn't been within arm's reach of Nathaniel since a little longer than that. However, we've basically lived just minutes apart all of Nathaniel's life. 

My biggest irritation after this encounter: She never spoke to Nathaniel. She didn't attempt to hug him or shake his hand or anything. She did ask if Nathaniel knew who she was. I of course introduced him to her. Still she never spoke to him. However, she did repeatedly tell me how pretty and nice looking I am. 

I forgot to mention that I see her and/or her husband at Walmart at least every other month and in 11 years they always turn and walk in the opposite direction of us. 

But you know what, I would bet you that the next time this "chance" interaction occurs I will again smile and be polite. Why? How would be rude benefit my son? Just as I don't allow anyone to bad mouth his father in front of him nor does he have to witness rude or unkind interaction between me or his father or his father's family. 

My mother use to say to turn the other cheek and I use to tell her that is ridiculous. Now, as an adult, I may put up with bullshit when I shouldn't but there is a higher (and more peaceful) ground when you just keep quiet and be polite and let the moment pass. 

I can't, and won't, express to Nathaniel how I feel about that woman or his father. My opinion is not his business. I won't let others do it either. It's not my place to dictate how he feels about that side of his family. 

Hopefully, someday, they won't disappoint him. 

Things have been so crazy. Everything in life has been so chaotic. My health finally kicked in and said a big WOAH. 

Nothing in life can be fixed or get better overnight. There is no fixed timeframe. It can take weeks or months. Hopefully not years. 

Mental and physical health has always got to be a top priority. I can't take care of everything else demanding of me if my mind and body are not right. 

I am sad about how recent events transpired. My heart will always ache. I know I was not in the wrong. I can only hope that someday there will be peace. 

As for now, I work on me. My physical and mental health are my focus. I also focus on my son. My heart and soul... that may take a lot longer.